和善

星期天下课时一位熟人一次对我说，看你笑起来，就知道你是一个多么和善的人，难怪你的绘画课受小孩子的欢迎。又记得一次参加女儿的学校活动，其中一位同学对盯着我灿烂地笑，想必是为了得到我的笑容。女儿回来对我说，她的一位同学说我笑的有点象成龙，赞女儿有世界上最和善的父亲。对这两件事，我表面上对女儿自夸，说她应当满足和自豪。内心里，我极感惶恐，为自己的内在没有那么和善而感到汗言。一个了解我的人绝不会有我是多么和善的这种评价，人的两重性在我身上十分突出。但我也感谢这样两件事给我鞭策和鼓励，为父母留给自己的这付笑容能给他人带来快乐而愉快。随着年龄和阅历的增加，我觉得耐心在增长，自我感觉脾气温和多了，我想我脸上应当多一些笑容。更重要地是，内心应当越来越与外在的笑容一致。

One day after class, a teacher said to me, “Your smile tells that you are a very kind teacher. No wonder your art class is popular.” (I am teaching drawing for 4-5 year olds on Sunday Chinese School since 2004. They are always big sized class.) Another day when I was watching my daughter Lydia on crew training, one of her teammates looked me smiling beautifully. I smiled back to her. Later, on the way home Lydia told me that her teammate commented that I smiled like Jack Chan and Lydia has the kindest father in the world.

Although I told Lydia to be proud of me, inside I feel I should do more to deserve the titles. People who know me well would not agree these words. Like many people, I have two faces. I was not good tempered when I was younger. But I am encouraged and glad to have a smiling face that can bring happiness to people. As my age and wisdom increase, I would become more patient and listening more. I feel kinder and gentler. I would like to smile more and, more importantly, my inside to be like my smiling face.

女儿这些天来同我们聊了不少她对一些问题的疑惑和看法，感觉到十三岁的她开始了种族意识的觉醒和对自己的认同。显然，她对那种某种民族至上的看法反感，对华裔的偏见深恶痛决并且试图去改变。她比较能够现实了，能够接受自己，不在是浑浑噩噩跟着朋友们瞎混。虽然她从未表现出来希望自己同大多数同学一样，就我们自己的经验，可以想象她正在经过多么难的一个心理调整过程。象许多华裔青少年一样，她们将会从不愿意学中文，到认识到“书到用时方恨少”；从希望自己的同大家一样的理想幻想的幼年、少年，逐渐转变到发奋图强突出自己民族特征的青年、壮年，而到更能为自己承传的中国文化自豪的中年、老年。的确，一个不知道自己文化和民族的人，生活在这个以多文化为特征的国家里文化价值就太少了。

Lydia recently talked to us about her confusion and thinking on peer pressure. We are glad about her openness. The 13-year old is starting to wakeup consciousness, toward identifying with her Chinese background. Obviously, she does not like the idea of supremacist. She is unhappy about people’s prejudice to China. We remind her of her wishes – to change world. This is something she could make effort to change. She is becoming more practical, more accepting herself. Unlike her younger years, followed the “main stream” aimlessly, although she never said she wish she would have been the same as her friends. From these talking, I can feel her inner struggle. She is just experience a difficult time of transition. She has to deal with an issue that we did not at her age. We, however, are confident she will be doing fine. Like many other Americans Born Chinese (ABC), she will at sometime realize that she should have learned more of her own language. She will change from trying to identify with the majority to with her own heritage, and to a youth trying stand out her characteristics and personality, and to a person like me being proud of her own culture. Indeed, in this diversified country, individuals should try to preserve his or her own culture that tied particularly to her identity.

因为去过柏林的的缘故，对德国有点特别情结，前些日子注意到庆祝柏林墙倒塌二十周年的活动。柏林的印象历历在目，那个有特殊象征的勃兰登堡门清晰的浮现在眼帘，门顶上的铜塑，驷马拉着头上戴着十字架和雄鹰的胜利女神特别让人遐想。在夜幕下参观的那段留作纪念碑的柏林墙，各种图画仍然十分清晰地浮现在脑海。仅仅二十年后，统一的德国已经有了第一位在东德成长的女士安吉拉-莫克儿任总理。钦佩德国人的民族精神，现在回头看二十年前，一个分裂了的国家重新统一到了一定时候是多么容易，完全是一个领导人一句话就可以促成的事情。

I noticed the 20-year celebration of the fall of Berlin Wall a few weeks ago. The pictures of Berlin are still vivid in my mind. The Brandeburg Gate, the symbol of the Wall that dividing the east and west is one of my most impressed place while visiting Germany last in March 2008. I like the statue, four horses pulling a goddess of victory. The statue was recovered from the defeat of French. To celebrate the victory, they added a cross and an eagle. I still remember the chilly wind when I was reading the words and pictures on the remaining pieces of the Wall. I admire that the openness of German people and their national spirit. Only twenty years later, a lady born in the east side has become the chancellor of the united Germany. Looking back the history on what happened on that day, you would feel that uniting two counties would be such an easy job that a leaking statement could make it happen.